Just Engaged? Here’s What to do first.
Congratulations! You just got engaged, and you’re probably feeling a mix of excitement, joy, and maybe even a little bit of overwhelm. The first few weeks of engagement are a whirlwind of emotions, and while it’s tempting to jump right into wedding planning, there are a few important things to do first. This guide will help you navigate your engagement and set the foundation for a stress-free wedding planning experience.
For this journal entry, I’ve drawn from some of my absolute favourite engagement sessions from the past year—because capturing this stage is just as important as capturing the wedding!
1. Soak in the Moment
Before diving into the logistics of wedding planning, take a moment to truly enjoy being engaged. Announce the news to close family and friends before posting on social media. Celebrate with your partner and reflect on what this new chapter means for both of you. Whether it’s an intimate dinner, a weekend getaway, or a casual toast with loved ones, savour the excitement before the planning begins. Engagement is a special time in your relationship, so don’t rush into decisions before taking time to cherish the milestone.
Capture the Moment
Consider scheduling an engagement photo session to document this special time in your relationship (feel free to check out this gallery for some inspo!). These photos can be used for your wedding website, save-the-dates, and social media announcements. One caveat to this, though: if you’re planning to hire a wedding photographer (which.. duh of course you are), engagement sessions are a great way to have a trial run with your photographer. Also, most wedding photographers (myself included) offer free engagement sessions with their wedding services, and that’s an opportunity you don’t want to miss! So for this reason, my suggestion would be to wait a little bit until you're further along in the process and you’ve hired your actual wedding photographer before having your engagement session.
2. Get a Ring Check & Insurance
While this may seem boring, your engagement ring is a valuable symbol of your love, so take the necessary steps to protect it:
Get it resized (if needed) to ensure it fits comfortably.
Get it insured through your homeowner’s or renter’s insurance or through a jewelry-specific policy.
Schedule regular cleanings and maintenance to keep it looking its best.
Losing or damaging a ring is every newly engaged person’s nightmare, so making sure it’s properly insured and well taken care of will give you peace of mind as you wear it daily.
3. Discuss Your Vision and Priorities
Before diving into specific details, sit down with your partner to discuss the big picture. This is one of the most exciting parts of planning your wedding because it’s the moment where you can dream big and create a vision for your special day. Overall, I always suggest having an initial conversation where together you paint the perfect picture of what you want if budget, tradition, or family opinions aren’t factors. Yes, these kinds of limitations usually influence how we end up actually planning, but this is a great exercise to figure out what you really want. Sometimes the most unexpected and fun decisions come out of this. Just to give an example, I’ve had a number of clients who were so sure they were going to get married in their local city. In fact, it never even occurred to them to go anywhere else. But after they saw some of my photos from a destination wedding, the wheels started turning and they ended up booking destination weddings with me! You NEVER know what could happen, and this initial dreaming can make you realise what’s important, and what’s not.
Where to Start: Gather Inspiration
Pinterest & Instagram: Create a dedicated Pinterest board to save ideas on dresses, venues, color schemes, and décor. Follow wedding hashtags on Instagram to see trending styles (Here are my own Pinterest and Instagram pages where I post all my fun wedding pics!). Pinterest is THE hub when it comes to gathering wedding inspiration, allowing you to discover certain trends that maybe you’ve never seen or heard of before. I’ll wager that 99% of my own clients have Pinterest boards they send me when we have our initial call, and not only is it super useful to YOU, it’s also a tool that your vendors will use to make the magic happen.
Bridal Magazines: Traditional wedding magazines still offer timeless inspiration and expert advice. Consider cutting out pictures that inspire you and creating a physical vision board. If you’d rather not buy a ton of magazines, then head to a big bookstore like Barnes and Noble. They have a massive selection of bridal magazines you can gently thumb through while grabbing a coffee.
Ask Married Friends: Reach out to recently married friends for insights on what worked well, what they’d do differently, and, later down the line, vendor recommendations. Chances are you and your friends have similar aesthetic taste and styles, so drawing inspiration from people you trust is a great resource.
Local Wedding Photography Websites: Consider a photographer’s portfolio a ‘look-book’ for different wedding styles and ideas, similar to Pinterest. Seeing authentic weddings that photographers have done can provide a ton of insight into possibilities in your area. From venues, to florists, to dresses, or nearby locations for an engagement session, photographers in your area have done a LOT of work in your own backyard and have the images to help you envison different ideas. Feel free to check my portfolio out if you’re looking for some ideas!
Big Picture Decisions to Make
Once you’ve gathered inspiration, have (another) deep conversation with your fiancé about what you both want. Talk through and consider each of the following:
Wedding Size: Do you want a grand celebration with hundreds of guests, an intimate ceremony with close family and friends, or do you want to elope?
Location: Are you drawn to a destination wedding, a countryside barn, a beachfront ceremony, or a chic city venue?
Time of Year: Your preferred season will determine not just the weather, but also venue availability and pricing. One thing to keep in mind, too, is that the time of year will also affect your lighting, which is SO important! If you get married in the winter, be prepared for that sun to set at 3:30pm…
Wedding Style: Do you envision a classic, modern, bohemian, rustic, or themed wedding? I ask all of my clients to come up with a list of adjectives: they don’t have to make a ton of sense, but they’ll help give an abstract picture to pinpoint your style.
Must-Have Elements: Whether it’s a specific band, photographer, floral arrangements, or catering style, prioritise what’s most important to you. We’ll talk about this later, but when it comes to a specific vendor, if a BAND is more important than your LOCATION, then don’t follow the classic ‘rule’ of booking your venue first. Ask then band when they are available, and go from there. As ironic as it may seem (given the content of this journal post), there really is no direct step-by-step that fits everyone.
Taking the time to establish your vision will make every subsequent decision easier, from choosing a venue to selecting décor and attire.
Pro Tip: Make a vision board with physical or digital images so you can clearly communicate your ideas to vendors. This is also a really fun activity to do with friends! Order some takeout, invite your close friends over, and make a night of it!
4. Set a Budget
One of the first major steps in wedding planning is setting a realistic budget. This definitely isn’t the fun part, but as we all know, weddings are annoyingly expensive. Some helpful things to consider are:
Who will be contributing financially?
What’s your maximum spend, and what are your non-negotiables? If you have a budget of 20k and your DREAM/non-negotiable florist is half of that budget, it can totally be worth it as long as you make concessions in other less important areas.
Start researching average costs for vendors and venues in your preferred area. Again, it’s totally okay to get a luxury photographer and then have your friends make a playlist instead of getting a DJ. Focus on what matters to you!
Pro tip: I really love NerdWallet’s Wedding Budget calculator, because it allows you to input your priorities, overall budget, and totally customise the calculator however you need.
Once you have a ballpark number, you’ll be able to make informed decisions and avoid financial stress later. Keeping track of expenses in a wedding planning spreadsheet will help ensure you stay within budget. It’s also helpful to reach out to a bunch of different vendors and ask if they have payment plan options.
Money-Saving Tip: Prioritize spending on things that matter most to you, and look for DIY options where possible. Yes, I already said that twice, but it’s really important to keep that in mind.
5. Create a Rough Guest List
Your guest list will influence your venue choice, budget, and overall wedding experience. Before sending out invitations, create a preliminary list:
Make a “must-invite” list and a “would-like-to-invite” list.
Consider your budget—more guests mean higher costs.
Discuss guest count expectations with both families, if they’re involved. At the end of the day, it’s YOUR wedding. If you come from big families (which I deeply relate to as the youngest of nine), but you want a small gathering, communicate your wishes to your family.
6. Research and Book Key Vendors
The most in-demand wedding vendors book up quickly, especially for popular wedding seasons. If you have a dream photographer, venue, or planner in mind, reach out to them as soon as possible. The key vendors you may want to secure first include:
Wedding photographer (capture your love story from the start!)
Venue (determines your date and guest capacity)
Wedding planner/coordinator (if you plan to have one)
Caterer (if your venue doesn’t provide food services)
One thing you DON’T need to do right away is mens apparel! I see this a lot as a vendor: brides are so often told to get their dress as early as possible (sometimes before doing anything else!) and so men feel like they need to order their suits a year in advance too. Custom suits and alterations don’t take as much time as you think, so you can get away with doing this a month or two beforehand so your measurements are as accurate as possible. Shout out to the fine folks at Marc Allen in Providence for teaching me this!
7. Pick a Date (or a Few Options)
If you’re not ready to commit to a specific date yet, at least narrow down a few options. Consider:
Venue availability
Season and weather preferences
Any meaningful dates— anniversaries, holidays, or significant moments in your relationship (my fave trend is when parents’ or grandparents’ anniversaries are commemorated)
Travel considerations for guests if you’re planning a destination wedding
8. Plan an Engagement Party
Celebrate your engagement with a fun gathering of friends and family. It can be a formal event or a casual get-together. Consider hosting it at a meaningful location, such as where you first met or your favorite date spot, to make it even more special. You could plan a themed party, like a garden brunch or a cocktail night, to reflect your personalities as a couple. This is also a great opportunity to introduce members of both families who may not have met yet, creating a sense of unity before the wedding planning gets intense.
9. Start a Wedding Planning Binder or Digital Folder
This tends to be the first step for my Type A brides and grooms out there! And while that might seem like a funny place to start, it’s definitely a good thing to get a jump on before the planning gets too far. Starting a wedding planning binder or digital folder can help you stay organised and reduce stress as you plan your big day. Use it to store contracts, vendor information, checklists, and design inspiration. A digital folder on Google Drive or Dropbox can be especially useful for sharing documents with your partner, wedding planner, and vendors. It’s also a great place to store digitised versions of key documents like your marriage license! Keeping all essential details in one place ensures you stay on top of deadlines and avoid last-minute surprises. This step will make the entire planning process more efficient and enjoyable.
10. Relax and Enjoy the Journey
Wedding planning can be overwhelming, especially when your first start, but remember—it’s about celebrating your love story. Take breaks, enjoy the little moments, and lean on your support system. If things get stressful, remind yourself why you’re getting married in the first place. Remember that wedding-planning is a marathon, not a sprint, so try setting aside designated "wedding-free" days where you and your partner focus on each other without discussing planning details. Engage in stress-relief activities like yoga, nature walks, or journaling to help maintain balance. Delegate tasks to trusted family members or your wedding planner to avoid feeling like you have to handle everything on your own. Lastly, keep in mind that no wedding is ever perfect, but as long as it reflects your love and commitment, it will be a beautiful and memorable day.
Final Thoughts
Your engagement is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and while wedding planning is important, don’t forget to enjoy the process. Take time to celebrate small milestones along the way, such as finding the perfect venue or choosing your wedding attire. Keep the excitement alive by planning occasional date nights that have nothing to do with wedding planning. Use this period to strengthen your bond, reflect on what marriage means to you both, and dream about your future together. If you’re looking for expert wedding photography to capture every step of your journey—from engagement sessions to the big day—contact me today to learn more about my services!
